letter to my childhood self

Dear Bean,

I feel like a hypocrite for saying this, but I miss you. I think I want you back. Your passion was innocent; mine is just angry. You were smarter and more quick-witted than me. You were outgoing. You were full of light.

I know every single thing that made you afraid. I want you to know that I'm pretty brave, and I know you can be when you need to be. We could scare those wolves away if we try. I'm willing to try.

If you could find it in yourself... if you could find me in yourself... I would love to find you in myself.

Love always,

Baz

1994

Tuesday December 28 1993

Dear Diary,

Me and James slept at Nanny's house last night. Well now I know my dog Blacky missed me a lot. I'm in my room again and it feels good. I guess. I wish I didn't have any brothers, they're annoying a lot!

Wednesday January 5 1994

Dear Diary,

Today my friend Jake came over and had to eat supper at our house and my dumb brother Kris thought he beat me up (the dweeb!) I hate having brothers I wish I was a only child sometimes.

Thursday January 6 1994

Dear Diary,

I hate my brother James the Jerk. He bugs me all the time because he's a geek.

Friday January 7 1994

Dear Diary,

My brother got a new Lego set and he wants me to help him but I'm watching Boy Meets World. My dad gave me this new pen. It's my favorite one.

Saturday January 8 1994

Dear Diary,

I'm watching Mario Brothers with my brother. He wants to tape a cool dinosaur show on his tape. We're having a sleepover in my bedroom. I guess it's only sometimes that I hate my brothers.

Wednesday January 19 1994

Dear Diary,

It's my birthday this weekend! My friend Holly is sleeping over, I'm so happy! My dog is sleeping on my bed. I love her. I have an imaginary friend. His name is E.D. But he's not imaginary, he's real! I know, I know, you don't believe me but it's true. Will you please be friends with him?

Thursday January 20 1994

Dear Diary,

Holly can't sleep over this weekend. I knew something like this would happen. She sounded sad on the phone. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

Tuesday March 1 1994

Dear Diary,

I am watching Herman's Head. It's funny!

Wednesday March 2 1994

Dear Diary,

My brother is such a wuss. My mom said the G word to him.

Sunday April 24 1994

Dear Diary,

Guess what! Joe Carter is the Blue Jays best player! And the Blue Jays are the best team in the MLB! So Joe Carter is the best player in the MLB! I had to get a new watch yesterday because when I went swimming my old one got stolen by 3 dumb girls. My brother gave me a Chicago Bulls t-shirt.

Friday May 6 1994

Dear Diary,

I have a babysitter. I'm calling her Table. Holly is sleeping over tomorrow. Joe Carter is out of baseball for a while because of an ear infection.

Friday June 10 1994

Dear Diary,

I joined softball. My team is the Black Cats. Holly's team is called the Sun Devils. She has 2 games tonight. One against us and one against the poopy Whippers. I hope Holly's team wins against the Whippers but I don't care who wins the other game. I am watching Care Bears.

Thursday June 30 1994

Dear Diary,

School is over. Summer vacation is so boring. All my friends get up early and go outside and when I call them I don't get a chance to play with them because they are outside. Plus I have a cold. My cousin Jeff let me borrow some micro machines.

Monday August 15 1994

Dear Diary

Tomorrow we are going on vacation. I am supposed to see a Blue Jays game but the league is on strike. We are going to Ottawa to visit Aunt June. She met Pat Borders.